Dalai Lama

Desmond Tutu

Douglas Carlton Abrams

"From the beginning [this] book was envisioned as a three-layer birthday cake: [the authors'] own stories and teachings about joy, the most recent findings in the science of deep happiness, and the daily practices that anchor their own emotional and spiritual lives. Both the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Tutu have been tested by great personal and national adversity, and here they share their personal stories of struggle and renewal"--Amazon.com.

Lasting Happiness in a Changing World

The Book of Joy

sam kruczek

Modern culture makes it hard tor us to have compassion for ourselves. We spend so much of our lives climbing a pyramid of achievement where we are constantly being evaluated and judge., and often found to be not making the grade. We internalize these other voices of parents, teachers, and society at large. As a result. sometimes people are not very compassionate with themselves. People don't rest when they are tired, and neglect their basic needs for sleep, food, and exercise as they drive themselves harder and harder. As the Dalai Lama said, they treat themselves as if they are part of the machine. People tend to feel anxious and depressed be- cause they expect themselves to have more, be more, achieve more. Even when people are successful and grab all the brass rings, they often feel like failures or frauds, just waiting to fall off the merry- go-round. Jinpa explains,"Lack of self-compassion manifests in a harsh and judgmental relationship with ourselves. Many people believe that unless they are critical and demanding, they will be failures, unworthy of recognition and undeserving of love." 

In the end you discover that an eye for an eye will leave the whole world blind. We have an instinct for revenge but also for forgiveness.

“Sometimes we get too angry with ourselves, thinking that we ought to be perfect from the word go. But this being on Earth is a time for us to learn to be good, to learn to be more loving, to learn to be more compassionate. And you learn, not theoretically. You learn when something happens that tests you.”

Instead, you can accept that your relationship with your neighbor is difficult and that you would like to improve it. You may or may not succeed, but all you can do is try. You cannot control your neighbor, but you do have some control over your thoughts and feelings. Instead of anger, instead of hatred, instead of fear, you can cultivate compassion for them, you can cultivate kindness toward them, you can cultivate warmheartedness toward them. This is the only chance to improve the relationship. In time, maybe they will become less difficult. Maybe not. This you cannot control, but you will have your peace of mind. You will be able to be joyful and happy whether your neighbor becomes less difficult or not.”

“So many people,” the Dalai Lama said, “seem to struggle with being kind to themselves. This is really sad. You see, if you don’t have genuine love and kindness toward yourself, how can you extend these to others? We must remind people, as the Archbishop has said, that basic human nature is good, is positive, so this can give us some courage and self-confidence. As we said, too much focus on yourself leads to fear, insecurity, and anxiety. Remember, you are not alone. You are part of a whole generation that is the future of humanity. Then you will get a sense of courage and purpose in life.

			“Now, we should also realize that the recognition of our own limitations and weaknesses can be very positive. This can be wisdom. If you realize that you are inadequate in some way, then youdevelop effort. If you think, everything is fine and I’m okay just as I am, then you will not try to develop further. There is a Tibetan saying that wisdom is like rainwater—both gather in the low places. There is another saying that when the spring bloom comes, where does it start? Does it start on the hilltops or down in the valleys first? Growth begins first in the low places. So similarly if you remain humble, then there is the possibility to keep learning. So I often tell people that although I’m eighty years old, I still consider myself a student.”

Think about where you are suffering in your life and then think about all the other people who are going through a similar situation. This perhaps is quite literally the birth of compassion, which means “suffering with.” The incredible thing, the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop pointed out, was that this “suffering with” others reminds us that we are not alone, and actually lessens our own pain

Scherwitz found that this so-called “self-involvement” was a better predictor of death than smoking, high cholesterol levels, or high blood pressure. A more recent study conducted by researcher Johannes Zimmerman found that people who more often use first-person singular words—I and me—are more likely to be depressed than people who more often use first-person plural—we and us. This was interesting evidence that being too self-regarding really does make us unhappy.

Many astronauts have reported that once they glimpsed Earth from space—a small blue ball floating in the vast expanse, lacking our human-made borders—they never looked at their personal or national interests in quite the same way again. They saw the oneness of terrestrial life and the preciousness of our planetary home

“It is wonderful. I mean, imagine if we didn’t die. Our poor world would not be able to carry the burden. It’s not able to carry the burden of seven billion as it is. I mean, I have had a beginning, I’ve had a middle, and I’ll have an end. There is a lovely symmetry about it. Symmetry.” He laughed as he lingered over the word and repeated it.

“I was quite struck by the Dalai Lama’s phrase of “passing through difficulties.” We often feel that suffering will engulf us, or that the suffering will never end, but if we can realize that it, too, will pass, or as the Buddhists say, that it is impermanent, we can survive them more easily, and perhaps appreciate what we have to learn from them, find the meaning in them, so that we come out the other side, not embittered but ennobled. The depth of our suffering can also result in the height of our joy.”

“One has learned in very many instances,” he continued, “that for us to grow in generosity of spirit we have to undergo in some way or other a diminishing, a frustration.”

It reminded one of the famous Chinese story about the farmer whose horse runs away. His neighbors are quick to comment on his bad luck. The farmer responds that no one can know what is good and what is bad. When the horse comes back with a wild stallion, the neighbors are quick to comment, this time talking about the farmer’s good luck. Again, the farmer replies that no one can know what is good and what is bad. When the farmer’s son breaks his leg trying to tame the wild stallion, the neighbors now are certain of the farmer’s bad luck. Again, the farmer says that no one knows. When war breaks out, all the able-bodied young men are conscripted into battle except the farmer’s son, who was spared because of his broken leg.

As the Archbishop had said, nothing beautiful comes without some suffering.

Jinpa had mentioned that in the Tibetan spiritual teaching known as the Seven-Point Mind Training, three categories of people are identified as being special objects of focus because these are the most challenging: your family members, your teachers, and your enemies. “Three objects, three poisons, and three roots of virtue.” Jinpa explained the meaning of this cryptic and intriguing phrase: “Often it is our day-to-day interaction with these three objects that give rise to the three poisons of attachment, anger, and delusion, which are at the heart of so much suffering. Through spiritual training we have the opportunity to transform our engagement with our family, teachers, and adversaries into the development of the three roots of virtue—nonattachment, compassion, and wisdom.”

“Even a tragic situation can become an opportunity. There’s another Tibetan saying that it is actually the painful experiences that shine the light on the nature of happiness. They do this by bringing joyful experiences into sharp relief.”

You can have a nice house with a nice bedroom and a nice bath, and play relaxing music, but if you are full of anger, full of jealousy, full of attachment, you will never be able to relax. In contrast, you may be sitting on a rock with nothing, but if your mind is completely peaceful, then you can be relaxed.”

I don’t think we help people by making them feel guilty. We want to try to be as welcoming as we possibly can and say that the experience they have is something that many other people also have

…when people are feeling lonely or socially rejected, they literally seek warmth, like sipping hot soup. What the Dalai Lama and the Archbishop were saying is that we can generate that warmth simply by opening our hearts and turning our attention and our concern to other people.

“The paradox is that although the drive behind excessive self-focus is to seek greater happiness for yourself, it ends up doing exactly the opposite. When you focus too much on yourself, you become disconnected and alienated from others. In the end, you also become alienated from yourself, since the need for connection with others is such a fundamental part of who we are as human beings.”

“When bad things happen they become news, and it is easy to feel like our basic human nature is to kill or to rape or to be corrupt. Then we can feel that there is not much hope for our future. All these things happen, but they are unusual, which is why they become news” 

So when we feel our grief, uncomfortable and aching as it may be, it is actually a reminder of the beauty of that love, now lost. 

“In my own case, when I encounter some difficult situation in the morning, my mind is calm, and it is much easier. When the same situation happens in the late evening, and I am a little bit tired, then I feel annoyed. So your basic physical condition makes a difference, whether your body is fresh, whether your mind is fresh. So this also shows how much depends on your own perception and your limited subjective view.”

We want something that we did not get, like respect or kindness, or we get something that we did not want, like disrespect or criticism. Underlying this anger, the Dalai Lama was saying, is a fear that we will not get what we need, that we are not loved, that we are not respected, that we will not be included. One way out of anger, then, is to ask, What is the hurt that has caused our anger, what is the fear that we have?

“Where there is fear, frustration will come. Frustration brings anger. So,you see, fear and anger are very close.”

wow. love this book. amazing. and they explain practices at the end u can actually do. i usually don’t read these types of books but it was really really good 

Andy Sporring

Probability one of the top ten books in my mind.

The Dalai Lama

Two great spiritual masters share their own hard-won wisdom about living with joy even in the face of adversity. The occasion was a big birthday. And it inspired two close friends to get together for a talk about something very important to them. The friends were His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. The subject was joy. Both winners of the Nobel Prize, both great spiritual masters and moral leaders of our time, they are also known for being among the most infectiously happy people on the planet, despite having experienced great personal and national suffering. From the beginning the book was envisioned as a three-layer birthday cake, the first being their personal stories and teachings about joy. Both the Dalai Lama and Tutu have been tested by extraordinary adversity, oppression, and conflict. The second layer consists of the exciting research into joy as well as the other qualities essential for any enduring happiness, like gratitude, humility, humour, compassion, generosity, and forgiveness. And the third encompasses practical exercises and guidance based on the Dalai Lama's and Tutu's own daily practices, which anchor their emotional and spiritual lives. Most of all, during that landmark week in Dharamsala, they demonstrated by their own exuberance, compassion, and even wise-cracking humour, how joy can be transformed from a fleeting emotion into an enduring way of being.

Finding Enduring Happiness in an Uncertain World

Diana Platgalve

Backed up with Buddhist and Christian practices to find joy. Showed some similarities between the two but left with feeling that Buddhism took over the book a bit. Good reminder for joyful life!

Sandaru Ravihari

My first read in 2021. Since I wanted to start my new year with finding ways to be joyful this was the perfect read. It was a bit too philosophical for me but it is definitely worth reading.

The Book of Joy Lasting Happiness in a Changing World

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