The Ethical Slut A Guide to Infinite Sexual Possibilities

The content ended up being quite repetitive, but the overall message was a challenge to the reader to relook at the definitions and judgements within our heads towards others and a challenge to look above that.

This took me forever to finish because polygamy is not something I personally could handle and therefore was not too interesting in learning about! I really only got this book because Phoebe Bridgers recommended it and yes it is informative and fun but not for me

A book that was lent to me and I breezed through it relatively quickly. Reading it was interesting, but I'm not sure what I learned from it. Poli - by definition - covers alot of territory and there are types of variations and permutations. This book offers a high level view without really getting into deep into details. It really seems to focus more on the authors's version of poli and, while reading, I kept getting the underlying impression that monogamy was prudish and just not fun. The constant use of sluts didn't really desensitive me to the word (empowering me to redefine it as a less than perjorative word), it just kept reinforcing that they were focusing more on their brand of poli that seems to focus more on sex than relationships. Some of the elements were interesting - ideas behind jealousy, agreements, communication that really apply to all relationships - monogomous or polyamorous and gave me some food for thought. I suspect that alot of those concepts are found in other books dealing with relationships or personal growth - so I'm not sure how much new ground is actually covered (I'm not one for self help type books).

A lot of this was common sense, but in a society where the norm is to ignore your common sense and follow externally mandated expectations, it is a refreshing read. Though they explicitly state they have nothing against monogamy for those who choose it, they also advocate a philosophy that makes it near impossible to be a monogamist while holding their views. I imagine it as sexual libertarianism - every person is free to contract with (make "agreements" with) anyone they please, and set their individual boundaries. No institutionalised structures to dictate norms - simply living within yourself, as yourself, with minimal external impositions. You are free to associate with whoever you want to associate, in whatever way you want to associate, in the most radical meaning of the word "associate". You are an individual part of complex networks of other individuals - not an individual isolated by institutions. And in this world monogamy is weird - one person probably can not completely satisfy all of your sexual, romantic or emotional desires. I'm not sure how I feel about this argument. Being monogamous does not preclude you from having other fulfilling emotional relationships with friends and whānau. I guess it comes down to how hard it is to find someone who is sexually and logistically entirely compatible with you, and meets some of your emotional needs (the rest can be covered by others). But this line of argument is just buying into status quo monogamist norms without questioning that original assumption, and it's not interrogating why the argument isn't beginning from scratch (from some form of state of nature?) I'm definitely interested in polyamory. I'm just not sure whether I'm ready and willing to bear the burden of challenging a norm to pursue it.