Yolk

remember to hug your sister <3

3.75 ✩ “Every time someone hurts you, you find a way to hurt yourself ten times worse.” Yolk is an honest look into trauma, healing, sisterhood and most prominently the relationship we have with ourselves. It was an introspective read for me even though Jayne the main character of this book couldn't be more different than me. It in fact helped me process the trauma of losing a loved one so I think I'll always remember it for that. I enjoyed the journey this book took me on, it felt like for awhile I was some sort of spirit watching over Jayne as she dealt with the events of this book and started her journey towards healing. What I enjoyed most about this book was the relationship between Jayne and her sister June, while they were both quite messy I think considering what they went through their behaviour made sense. I have until now never really read a book which portrayed having a sister this well. Yes, they are constantly bickering, lobbing acidic insults at each other but at the end of the day, there is an unbreakable bond there. Truthfully your sister is the most honest person you will know. It was really sweet watching Jayne and June repair their relationship and I think it was written in a way that felt natural and not forced. Speaking specifically on Jayne's character yes she makes so many bad decisions, she doesn't value what she has but that is the point. Trauma often turns us into the worst versions of ourselves and I believe that Jayne is a portrayal of that. As I read the book my empathy for Jayne only grew. Her deep-rooted issues with belonging, body image, and self-worth are heart-wrenching. I rooted for her throughout the book and her character development felt like a triumph. I think by looking at Jayne we can learn to treat ourselves better too, to try to heal the wounds we may have had for years. My only gripe is I felt the plot is a bit unbalanced, when you see the premise of this book you would think that it follows Jayne AND June heavily but instead, we step away from the exchanged identity storyline and delve into Jayne's romantic pursuits for an extended amount of time. It was so much so that for the final portion of the book, I was a bit unsatisfied. I kind of wished the book was a bit longer so that both Jayne's healing journey and the switched identity storyline could have had equal development and an equally satisfying ending. Regardless, I still believe Yolk is a worthwhile read.

this book reminded me of what it's like to fall in love with reading

Immediate thoughts: wow, I’m wrecked. So damn good. -- Thanks to #bookstagram for flagging this book to me. I had known about Choi, but wasn’t sure if I’d be interested in this one since I don’t typically read a lot of YA books. While the cover drew me in, it was the intense reviews and posts about the book that convinced me to finally read it. I buddy read this one with @unofficialbookstagram & @one.sitting. It was probably the best book to read together since we’re all Asian older sisters and had a LOT of thoughts about Jayne, but also who we are as older sisters.
 When reading a book, how judgmental can we be of a fictional character? Jayne, a Korean American college student, is obnoxious, kind of dysfunctional and not someone I’d want to be around - but I was immensely intrigued by her. If she were my church dongseng, I’d want to yell “GET YOUR LIFE TOGETHER” and I guess that’s the inner unni coming out of me. Her actual unni, June, is the complete opposite of Jayne - responsible, poised, but also distant. I didn’t like her either, but Choi’s sharp writing charms readers to find ways to stay committed to the characters as their lives unfold. What I appreciate is the book won’t manipulate you to feel a certain way - it’s really up to the reader on how to engage with June and Jayne as they navigate this messy time of their lives. We have these two sisters living in NYC but barely in one another’s lives - maybe still connected out of obligation and a dark sense of jeong/affection that even comes out in violent ways. Despite their spiteful and painful relationship, we know the sisterly affection exists. We are able to feel and gain insight to both their insecurities, their fears and their broken understanding of how to relate to one another, to love, and to family. The layered personalities and existence of both Jayne and June were beautifully painted for us and I think this is why so many are drawn to Choi’s writing. “I think about the two of us. Our tiny cult.” For 80% of the book, I was frustrated and had a wide range of feelings, but then with 20% left, I was up until almost 2am, reading as fast as I could with tears welling up because of how moving the story comes together. Content warning: disordered eating, dysmorphia, bulimia, cancer, female fertility

This is so raw, real, and painful. It was so bittersweet, and honestly not an easy read because of the heavy topics, but I liked it. The characters felt so authentic that I could see myself in them. The book highlighted that not all sisters form a tight-knit bond, but that doesn't mean you stop loving them. It was nice to see reading about their imperfect bond rather than the usual close bond sisters have. This, definitely, made me emotional because I have a sister, and although we are close, now, you really never know in the future. Reading this felt so real, and at some point I forgot I was not reading a memoir.

I thought this would be a YA for sure but GDI it's so difficult to read for how insufferable both sisters are and how varied, many and intense the triggers there are. I'm glad they're solving/trying to solve their issues in the end but huft.. The sisters might have redeeming moments, but they're so cynical that they're mostly annoying. This and Identitti remind me back to back that unmanaged anger is an instant ride to the dumbest version of yourself, so sit down and THINK HARD before doing/saying anything at all in this state. It's never too late to finally act on it after like an hour. It's a good book and it's worth acknowledging that most issues are complicated, people are hard-wired to behave as they do due to their current or past circumstances, and unlearning is not an instant process, but yeah this is giving me a little headache, not at all a peaceful feel-good book.

this book was beautiful. at first i hated jayne so much that i almost gave up on reading this. only now at the end am i fully comprehending how much i related to her and how i think that played into me hating her at first. it was like seeing my worst parts and thoughts all laid out on a page. the shame, anxiety, and exhaustively trying to perceive oneself. i know some people are decisive with this book, but it will definitely hold a place in my heart. i particularly appreciated how this book never implied whether one should forgive their family members. it doesn’t say it’s the right or the wrong way. as someone who has a brother who was not always kind, but is my brother, it’s something i’ll always think about. anyways thank you ms choi for yolk.

i disliked the main character a LOT, but that's not to say i didn't find her relatable; she was just written in such a despicable way i hated the parts of myself that i saw reflected in her. reads like conspiratorial gossip from the gentrifiers of new york. so much diasporic dysphoria virtue-signaling i actually cringed at some bits. a genuine, full-fledged guilty pleasure read nonetheless

just not for me :/

This is a very trauma covering book which reaches across a horrizon of topics, from EDs to familial trauma and relationships. This book covers our main character, Jayne's, day to day life with strained family relationships which one day change and shift for Jayne to explore develop and strengthen. A lot of the trauma in this book is inferred and suggested, until the end, where its explicitly said, and to be honest, I love that. I think it's a very clever idea on the authors end. It's good to be able to infer for yourself. The beginning of this book was kind of slow for me; the first 75 pages or so I was bored out of my mind, expecting this book to just be a two star because nothing was happening. It was boring. And it was not enjoyable. I think this book really picked up in the last 150 pages, and to be honest, its just not write for a book to be so boring at the beginning, which made it extremely unenjoyable. I did cry, because the ending was just heartwrenching. But books are just ridiculous when it drags on so boringly at the beginning.

i am v aware that there are other more important issues that have been covered in this book but i just want to say that as someone who has mommy issues & v close to my big sister – this book really hit the spot the last few pages had me BAWLING

at one point this book made me cry real tears, which has never happened before (maybe some aspects of this book have just been particularly salient recently, but still). yolk is a deeply uncomfortable read where none of the characters are particularly likable, and which touches on a myriad of heavy topics and experiences. this book needs like,, a dozen content warnings; i wouldn't recommend this to anyone who is struggling with their relationship to food / their body. i enjoyed choi's writing style and found it easy to read. what else did i like about yolk? the core issues of the book were very obliquely relatable to me, but written in a way that made me feel so seen. the book is driven by jayne and june's complicated relationship -- a sisterly relationship affected by their opposite tastes/lifestyles/aspirations/achievements, their parents and relationship to them, their asianness, their different ways of expressing care, their different struggles with their bodies. their bond of mutual rejection and distaste interwoven with unwavering unconditional love is, well, familiar. jayne's obsession with food - its permanent place in her mind, in her narration - is also familiar. from what i can tell, most of the people who dnf'd this book did not find the characters or story compelling enough. like most people, i found jayne unlikable, but i was very invested in how jayne's relationships unfolded and i appreciated the ending that was chosen - although very little is actually resolved by the end. (side note: i feel like people who disliked how much of the book is jayne's self deprecation and her messy life choices vs. the cancer story are not seeing how everything about jayne and her thoughts/experiences is linked to her relationship with june + her family + her past ? maybe i am extending too much empathy to her character bc she is the only disordered-eating-complex-sisterhood-asian character i have ever encountered, but i also don't think that likability of a book's characters are reflective of the book's quality in general) yolk felt like a walk around the memory lanes of a real and imperfect life, where things are not tied up in a bow and turned into a life lesson at the end. unlike the experience of reading a ~classic~, i'm not sure what the reader is meant to be left with at the end of the story. i felt listened to; my thoughts are different from jayne's but often feel just as disruptive/pathetic/all-consuming and to read a character like this.. made my own mind feel quieter somehow. and the ending is hopeful. unlike most of my favorite books, i probably wouldn't read yolk again, but i'm immensely glad i did read it - something about it was exactly what i needed.

no plot just vibes

Yolk 3 / 5 stars "It's crazy how lonely it is to be in a family." Jayne and June, are two sisters that are nothing alike. Sounds like your typical young adult book but believe me: it's not. Yolk touches on a couple of difficult subjects, such as cancer and eating disorders, and was executed fairly well. I had difficulties liking any of the characters but I enjoyed the story itself a lot! The book does not only portray the sister bond but also a couple of things that are quite relatable as a student myself: housing problems, school tuition, feeling left out, etc. In my opinion this book shouldn't be labeled as a young-young adult but closer to the new adult genre.

oh the family dynamic in this book tugged at my heatstrings. June & Jayne were both bit hard to connect with… the back and forth between them was a bit much at times, but I feel like that is how most sister relationships can be at times. And I know that the main point of this story was their relationship but man I LOVED Patrick and wish there was a bit more that storyline. Also, my husband is Korean and I loved the accuracy of the family dynamic in this book!! I found myself reading the moms speaking lines in my mother inlaws voice bc she reminded me of her sooooooo much. I truly enjoyed this book. The ending felt a little rushed, I didn’t like how we just sprinkled in the ED at the end, and I didn’t like the open ending… but other than that this story was emotional, heartbreaking, raw, and beautiful and I am happy I gave it a read!

this was not the type of book i would usually pick up, but i saw some good reviews and was intrigued by the premise so i decided to try but... unsurprisingly i didnt love this. i liked it and enjoyed my time reading but didnt find anything special about it :/

2.5 I can't decide whether I liked this book or not... sometimes I could barely tell where the focus was and what I was supposed to feel about certain scenes events and depictions. It didn't help that being in Jayne's head was more harder than I expected... and June as a character just overall made no sense at least to me. The writing didn't connect with me either. It just wasn't as hard hitting as I had hoped it would be and the things I wanted to be explored were just... not there enough and other aspects seemed too clunky and just a bit all over the place.

4.5/5 stars HEAVY CONTENT WARNINGS FOR THE BOOK, PLEASE LOOK INTO THOSE BEFORE READING THE BOOK this was my first ever Mary H.K. Choi book and I definitely enjoyed reading it. Alot. Loved these characters and they felt so real with how realistic their dialogue and interactions with one another were. The relationship between the two sisters was amazing. It was very complex and dealt with a lot of complications but in the end the sibling love is there. It was truly beautiful to watch that relationship grow throughout the book. It made me yearn for a sibling of that sort. An elder sister, who'd love me. Understand me. Care for me.The romance was one I was an added cherry on the cake. Absolutely loved Patrick and omg so hot?? Book Trigger Warnings- cancer, discussions of fertility, drug use, anxiety, disordered eating, bulimia, fatphobia, sexual assault, racism, cheating

I found some of the interactions between June and Jayne to be cringy. I liked the parts where Jayne struggles to be a better person more than her sister's interactions (despite the plot focusing on that). Characters are not likable, but some of the experiences they go through are raw/interesting. Quotes: - I find that the more I hide, the more presentable I am to the world. -There's this whole theory that younger siblings are spoiled. That we're enfeebled from all the mollycoddling. Soft. That by the time it was our time to rebel, our parents had already given up. I disagree with this wholly. It's firstborns who can't take no for an answer. Youngest kids have iron constitutions. Hardy hides from lifetimes of rejection. A hundred million entreaties for their older siblings to hang out answered by shoves, eye rolls, slammed doors, and stone-cold ditches with peals of laughter. -Sisters never stand a chance to be friends. We're pitted against each other from the moment we're born. A daughter is a treasure. Two is a tax. -It's easier to watch myself be sad than actually feel sad. -I'm like a truffle pig for fuckboys. -In our reflection, I think how unfair it is that men get to look the same all the time. That they don't have to experience the rude shock of their appearance unadorned and without makeup. -New York is just a place. It's the people who will become home for you. -I'm filled with devastating pity for every single mirror version of me, all those times before, the youngest ones making me saddest of all. Watching myself have compassion for me in the absence of anyone else makes me cry harder.

Trigger waring: eating disorder

I'm sorry, what ??? Update 5/11/22: I am now a few days older since I was done with this book and thus the wiser (not really). After giving this some thought, I insist on giving this book a solid 3 stars. I think if you are inclined toward fiction that has realistic flavours to it, then you'd like Yolk by Mary H.K. Choi. There are three elements to this: the characters were extremely flawed (like real people), did irrational things (again, like real people), and met an open-end conclusion that up to our interpretation (like life). The Plot : This is one of those no plot, just vibes, kind of a story but it's built around a story about two Korean American sisters, June and Jayne Baek, and how they grew up together in Texas and eventually grew apart in New York, just to be brought back together again by a harbinger of death that was June's uterus cancer. Jayne was a broke fashion school student (either Parsons or FIT) and June, the high-profile financier with a posh apartment uptown. The creme de la creme of it all was the revelation that June was not what she appeared to be: she just lost her job, and therefore it's the ERROR404: Insurance Not Found kind of situation. It messed up to the point of it being comedic, but the reality of a failing medical system hit home and hit hard. At the extreme, people without medical insurance were left to choose between a crushing debt or, well, untimely death. The Characters : Jayne was struggling with childhood traumas and eating disorders (rooted in being the less perfect child of the two). She was trying to get her life together, but barely. Her ex-boyfriend was a leech, and the student loan was monumental. She hated her family, especially June. Not to mention how she had to try with all her might to break the Asian stereotypes so much so to the point that life started crumbling down around her. There's a lot to unpack between her and June. Sure, she's a selfish little brat who needed her privileges checked but there were reasons behind it. While she's extremely unlikeable at times, I couldn't help but pray she got out of this mess alive and well. I did like Patrick's subplot more than I thought I would, though. The romance was a bit shoehorned into the mess, but I loved it. At first, I felt a bit bad for Patrick (that he was manipulated by Jayne), but as the story progressed there were ups and downs. The way they communicated (and not communicated) felt genuine and lovely. The Social Stigmas : Actually, this book dealt with quite a lot of social stigmas especially the ones related to women's reproductive organs. It was revealed that June always had issues with her period. She was bullied because of it back in school. And it happened again at work as she was laid off because she went to the toilet one time too many when she had her cramps. Meanwhile, most of them were groomed and coerced by their mother into wanting babies. To be fair, it's a cultural thing but it's also depressing. June didn't have an organ to reproduce anymore, and Jayne's current condition was too pathetic to be a parent. It infuriates me how accurate it was - how everyone still lets this happen in these days and ages. The Conclusions : This book didn't have a clear conclusion which was also okay. That's how real life works - how we'll just have to wait around to find out. Hope for the best. However, I wish it was explained as to how Jayne was getting by with her classes (also, how could she afford them). And it would be great if the climax (i.e. their mom) was more...profound and memorable. I think this book could generate a great discussion in the bookclub. The social commentaries and ironies on stigmas were spot on. I recommend you read this with a buddy but reading alone was fine too. Writing an extensive review about it might help kill the itch to discuss lol

Freaking devastating. I full-on sobbed.

Bro😔😭🌸🤍