Zeppazariel

presque vu (almost seen): the intense feeling of being on the very brink of a powerful epiphany, insight, or revelation, without actually achieving the revelation

 

(Sirius Black is born. Sirius Black dies. Everything in between is the unknown.)

Presque vu 

Pia 

But Regulus is six years old and cares more about the lines on his constellation than imagining reasons he would ever not love the person he knows he always will, so he only squints at the sheet as he shades in the heart, and he says, "Uh huh. I'll love you no matter what."

Sirius doesn't say I'm your big sister, too.

"Yeah. Normal is boring, " James tells him matter-of-factly. "I won't ever be boring, and you shouldn't be either."

because no one gets Sirius like he does. They want to work up the courage to let Remus catch sight of them in it, just to see if his gaze will linger like it does when they're not wearing it. Sirius likes when Remus' gaze lingers.

I already love this fic but I also already know it will be really heavy

The first person Sirius ever kisses is James.

They're both fifteen when James asks, "Is it okay that I think a lot of people are fit?"

I mean who doesn’t love them some prongsfoot as long as it is platonic 

"And yet, I'm a brilliant kisser," Sirius tells him, smiling.

Sirius does, in fact, do it better. James is a fast-learner, though, and someday, someone's really going to appreciate that. Sirius is the only person in the world that has always and will always appreciate everything about him, though.

Anyone can love James, but Sirius will always love him best.

Regulus could be trained, while Sirius never could.

"Why can't you just go with it?" Regulus whispers, later that night. "Why do you always have to push back?"

"Because I won't agree with them. I can't," Sirius croaks, staring at him in disbelief. "Do you?"

Even when they're alone, Regulus won't speak.

"Do you think like them, Reggie?" Sirius asks-demands of him, really, wanting to shake him. Don't. Please don't.

You know what they think of me. If you can't find compassion for anyone else, surely you can for me. "Do you, Regulus?!"

"It's easier not to think at all," Regulus murmurs, gaze downcast, fixed on the floor.

I think it goes without saying that I cried …in the first chapter….fuck my life

They don't know that Regulus steals their sheets with their constellations and two-heart stars to sleep beneath them until the day he dies.

Sirius doesn't know, Regulus doesn't think, and so this is how it goes. Better to speak or die? That's the question, isn't it?

Sirius is the one who always spoke first. Maybe that's why, between them and Regulus, they die last.

Yeah here we go again Zar let’s go and hurt me again why don’t you?!

But Sirius and James aren't just bullies, really. You have to look deeper than that.

Oh shit up he knew he is your little brother he knows more than you think

How boring can you be that you dare to miss your little brother, and even nurse a weak-willed hope that he knew who you were before you left, even when you have no idea?

See Sirius this right here is the problem you should have thought about remus

she did, but she didn't mean to, she wasn't thinking of him,

Remus is in his denial era but that’s just a river in Egypt because he is gay

"You've been disowned, Padfoot," James cuts in, as if he needs to remind her that she doesn't have a galleon to her name now.

"Okay, you're rich, so that's basically the same thing."

James' head snaps up. "What? She does? How do you know?"

I really need them to not hurt me anymore I can’t keep crying about them

Sirius can't resist checking, like pressing on a bruise, feeling the spike of pain grow and settle, then doing it over and over again. Sometimes, Sirius manages to catch Regulus' eye, just to see that festering resentment grow each time. Sirius can feel it reflected through him just the same, looking at his brother and wanting to scream at him, wanting to plead with him; wanting to shake him, wanting to ruffle his hair; wanting to beat him bloody and raw, wanting to check that their parents haven't hurt him, even if they rarely ever did once he worked out how to please them; wanting to kill him, and wanting to save him. Looking at her little brother and wanting a time-turner to go back and do anything, whatever it took, to keep from ending up here. How did they end up here?

But he did choose you he just thinks you didn’t choose him pls just go back and choose each other and then leave again

Regulus my little brother. There's a sense of clinging there, an unheard scream in the titles; I'm still hers, even if she's not mine; he's still mine, even if he didn't choose me.

James flashes Lily a smile. "Our secret."

"Our secret, " James repeats through gritted teeth,

James looks horrified. "Yes, there are spells! The spells are very important! Do you want a child before you're twenty-one?"

"You haven't been using the spells?!" James thunders, fingers clenching on Sirius' face hard enough to make them wince, and then he's dragging Sirius by their face out the room with one hand and twisting Peter's ear with the other as he marches him out, fussing the whole way.

It was definitely a good story but I just had to drag myself through it because I really did not enjoy it

Presque vu

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