Name: surtified™'s review of A Place for Us by Fatima Farheen Mirza
Item: A Place for Us
Rating: 4
Author: surtified™

Fatima Farheen Mirza

AN INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • NATIONAL BOOK AWARD “5 UNDER 35” NOMINEE • NEW YORK’S “ONE BOOK, ONE NEW YORK” PICK Named One of the Best Books of the Year: Washington Post • NPR • People • Refinery29 • Parade • BuzzFeed “Mirza writes with a mercy that encompasses all things.”—Ron Charles, Washington Post Hailed as “a book for our times” (Christiane Amanpour), A Place for Us is a deeply moving and resonant story of love, identity, and belonging. As an Indian wedding gathers a family back together, parents Rafiq and Layla must reckon with the choices their children have made. There is Hadia: their headstrong, eldest daughter, whose marriage is a match of love and not tradition. Huda, the middle child, determined to follow in her sister’s footsteps. And lastly, their estranged son, Amar, who returns to the family fold for the first time in three years to take his place as brother of the bride. What secrets and betrayals have caused this close-knit family to fracture? Can Amar find his way back to the people who know and love him best? A Place for Us takes us back to the beginning of this family’s life: from the bonds that bring them together, to the differences that pull them apart. All the joy and struggle of family life is here, from Rafiq and Layla’s own arrival in America from India, to the years in which their children—each in their own way—tread between two cultures, seeking to find their place in the world, as well as a path home. A Place for Us is a book for our times: an astonishingly tender-hearted novel of identity and belonging, and a resonant portrait of what it means to be an American family today. It announces Fatima Farheen Mirza as a major new literary talent.

A Novel

A Place for Us

Malavika

** The New York Timesbestseller ** 'To be taken hostage by Fatima Mirza's heartrending and timely story is a gutting pleasure... She captures your mind and heart with an urgency that defies you to stop reading. I guarantee you will be different when you close the book' Sarah Jessica Parker 'I loved this book'Anne Tyler 'The depth of the storytelling and the beauty of the language makes this debut something to treasure' John Boyne An Indian-Muslim family is preparing for their eldest daughter's wedding. But as Hadia's marriage - one chosen of love, not tradition - gathers the family back together, there is only one thing on their minds- can Amar, the estranged younger brother of the bride, be trusted to behave himself after three years away? A Place for Us tells the story of one family and all family life- of coming to terms with the choices we make, of reconciingly past and present and of how the smallest decisions can lead to the deepest betrayals.

it's such a devestating and heartbreaking novel I don't think I could even explain what it's about. Layla, the mother, is a sympathetic character, and I can understand her struggles. However, she did not do Hadia or Huda any justice. Her daughter is getting married, but for some weird reason she's so focused on her drug addict / alcoholic son who's been away for years. Its so frustrating because you can see the girls, especially Huda, aren't neglected, but are emotionally ignored. The way hadia feels she's only loved when cleaning on when in school. Whilst all any of their parents think of is if Amar is okay, if Amar is behaving. It's not right and it's so horrible to read. I feel upset reading it also because for some reason, especially ater reading the last part, I feel bad for Rafiq, even though he can be in the wrong many times. The characters are flawed, and that's what I love. They're realistic; they're not painted as this unachievably moral person, but as real people. And that's what makes this book so unbelievably upsetting. 

surtified™

Sajiya Chaudhary

I love that the book starts with Bismillah. I didn’t expect the story to resonate so much with me, and my own life, my family, our struggles, our expectations with each other, and how much of the world a person can hold inside of themselves.
The book is long, by the time it finished I had forgotten where it started from. I had already become a part of the family. I empathized with the hurt Amar felt, the jealousy and expectations of Hadia, and the absence of Huda’s feelings. The dynamics between the three siblings are not unlike my own. Although the story covers decades, it never feels like time has passed too much. The author keeps transitioning between several pasts and presents. Helping us understand the reason behind something that’s happening today.
Rafiq is the male patriarch of the family, he lost his father at the young age of 13 and became the responsible adult over a night. We come to understand his sacrifices, yearnings, struggles, and the reason behind his angry demeanor at the end of the book. He is the father, the husband, the man who is often misunderstood because he doesn’t express himself as expected, as a loving, doting man. It’s similar to how we understand our fathers when we start growing up, struggling with life, becoming an adult with responsibilities, and sacrificing our happiness. Rafiq’s character mirrors so many young fathers, and old fathers because we see him getting old and regretting his inability to express love when all he felt was love and concern for his children. But didn’t know how to show them except to care for them the best way he could, even though he never got the same care from his father.
Layla on the other hand is a mother like every other Indian mother. They prepare their daughters for the world by letting them handle life on their own from a young age but forget that they have to prepare their sons as well for this world. Layla loves her three children and her husband for whom she left her homeland. She admires all three of the children but worries the most about her youngest son, who isn’t like her daughters. She thinks Amar is hers, and the daughters are her husbands, because they always look towards him for acceptance and appreciation but she doesn’t realize that her daughters have become accustomed to doing this because of her. Because of her unrelenting concern and never-ending care for her son. The daughters never get complimented by her even though she compliments them in her thoughts, and admires their responsible nature, and their capabilities.
Whereas Amar is the character I loved the most. I did. Despite his struggles and choices, I loved Amar’s heart. His thoughts. His loneliness. His love story. His need to express the depth of his thoughts, him trying to understand his own beliefs. When the book ends, all I wanted to hear was what happened to him, I wanted to see him as much as his father wanted in the end. I want to know if he will make it to the other side of Pul-Sirat. If he started believing in the mercy of god, and his forgiveness. If he was able to love and get love in return, which he deserved, a thousand times.
Although I find myself reflected in all three siblings, I know I was like Hadia, as a kid, and as a teenager. However as an adult, I would have never married until my brother was standing right beside me, however broken, I would have given him my own heart, if it meant him coming back and living with us. That’s when I remembered it’s a story, however much it hurts, it’s a story. I sobbed, cried silently, and prayed they become a family again. Only if they all knew, how much love they have for each other, how much they belong together, and that home is where you can be as angry, as volatile, as broken as possible and still be welcomed.
It’s beautifully written. It reminded me a bit of ‘The Lighthouse’ by Virginia Woolf, the way there are very few conversations because it’s written in the third person. You’re always the observer, the outsider. Looking at this family, and understanding their struggles, their emotions, what they hide, what they want to express but can’t, what they have sacrificed. Time passes, and the wounds are forgotten. They have learned how to live with pain.
I also loved that the Muslim faith is interspersed throughout everyone’s journey, and how much their practice of Islam, and belief in god differs from each other. But they rely on him. Always. I was also surprised that some of the Shia practices were familiar to me even as a Sunni, and I kept thinking that it was absurd to identify as sects, when we all are the same. With the same struggles, same sacrifices, same love in our hearts.
I will reread this book in some time, once I have recovered from the pain of seeing Amar broken, Rafiq’s compassion, Layla’s hope, and Hadia’s patience.
Even though Huda’s inner thoughts aren’t expressed much in the book, I can imagine her being like us, readers. Seeing everyone from a detached lens, and understanding the dynamics better than everyone else. It’s her who can still keep the balance with all of them, it’s her that Hadia relies on for her wedding day, Layla can be candid with her, and so can Rafiq. Amar realizes that he missed out on creating a great bond with her elder sister (my brother is closer to my sister than me, so it’s relatable, he used to be close to me as a kid) because he kept trusting only his eldest without realizing that he also had one more sibling. The book could have had a happy ending if only Huda had intervened, but the author had other plans. And it’s a bittersweet ending but still beautiful.
Hoping for a second book, where we get to see Amar reconcile with his father, mother, and sisters, and play with Abbas again. :’) Only if life was that easy.

sanaa kahloan

this read felt so heartbreaking at times but still had such a beautiful ending. most of the book made me sad and i’d finish my reading session with tears in my eyes, as if covered the complexity of family, Islam, substance use/abuse and relationships. it all felt very engaging and relatable as a muslim living in the west. the islamic reminders were my favourite part: how merciful God is, the kindness we are meant to show one another, and how temporary this life really is.

Angelyn Francis

Cried twice which I rarely do. This book is beautiful and heartbreaking.

Emily Burns

I am so grateful for this novel - one that treats family memories like one’s own, skipping from moment to moment in the way our own hearts do. This is a beautiful story about a complicated family, and I cherished the description of the small moments in a life and in the world that were brought to life on each page. A favourite of this year, for sure.

safs

A subtle, poignant and beautifully written novel that I found difficult to put down (I actually didn't put it down) and one that will stay with me for a while. At its core, it is a story about an ordinary immigrant family doing ordinary things. It takes you, in a non-linear fashion, through seemingly mundane everyday moments that have enormous, even life-changing impacts on members of this family. It explores the subtle dynamics of the parent-child and sibling-sibling relationships, love, community and the challenges of racism, sexism, a crisis of faith and drug use. It will have you thinking about your actions, even the trivial ones, and the consequences they may have for others, especially the people you love. 

The author does a wonderful job of bringing the characters to life, and because the story is told in a collection of vignettes, I felt as though I was sitting through a conversation with a new friend, who was relating tales of their life to me. To say I loved the characters, every single one of them, would be an understatement. I laughed with them, cried with them, loved with them, got mad at them and grieved for them. 

The last section of the book is deeply moving, and must be read with a box of tissues by your side. It is the only section of the book that is told through a first-person perspective and had me looking at Rafiq, but also, the immigrant father generally, in an entirely different light. 

Whilst I am left wondering whether Amar still asks for pistachio and almond ice-cream, I loved the ending. To me, it is a reflection of life itself; uncertain and imperfect.

Unfortunately this didn't hit for me. It started strong but the segments at times were too drawn out to be engaging. It reached a point, quite frankly, where I stopped sympathizing with Amar at all and found myself wishing the book was about Hadia. 

And of course we get to part four and it's a new character perspective that was wholly unnecessary. It reminded me of the Harry Potter series epilogue. I wanted to like this book but... I didn't.

Julia Rivera

Unfortunately this didn't hit for me. It started strong but the segments at times were too drawn out to be engaging. It reached a point, quite frankly, where I stopped sympathizing with Amar at all and found myself wishing the book was about Hadia. 

And of course we get to part four and it's a new character perspective that was wholly unnecessary. It reminded me of the Harry Potter series epilogue. I wanted to like this book but... I didn't.

fiona

dnf at 25%

i liked the characters, i was just bored and wanted more dialogue between them.

Lillian

books about complicated family dynamics that follow more than one generation i love you and i hate you for making me cry

Saima A

I'll admit i wasnt sure about this book, there have been so many books about diaspora families and their battle with faith and family dynamics that ive read and were downright awful. This however, was the complete opposite.
 Its thought provoking its just so perfectly written, best way to start the year and the decade i think 

I think this might be one of the books that may be life changing or better put outlook changing. Its one of those kind of books that i wasnt able to stop thinking about. Sure its chronologically a little out there but it's easy enough to figure out who's POV it is and when the scenes are taking place. Its not that hard tbh.

10/10 everyone should read this, regardless of sect or faith. Read it for the life lessons. Life. lessons.
Definitely one I'll come back to again and again.
Maybe youll think im overly dramatic but at my current point in life this is what i needed i think. ❤️

Cindy Lieberman

A family saga about a boy, born in America, who doesn’t conform to his father’s ideal of a Muslim son and how such resentment caused rebellion then estrangement. The story is told through various narrators, including the oldest sister, mother, and finally the father, each recalling the stories, slights, oversights, and ocasional harsh words typical in family dynamics, that might have caused the rift.

priya

"Mumma must be so happy. You finally accepted one," he said.
"It wasn’t arranged."
He look surprised for a moment. Then he smiled. "Now I’m not the only one who has disappointed them."
"No. But you did it make it a little easier for me to."
Was their language born of ease or discomfort?

Headphones alone are enough to ignite his father’s anger, an anger that will fester during the party, escalate to a fight in the car, and become a disaster by the time they reach home.

Abbas knew when to stop fighting with his parents, and how to guard the secrets that would hurt them, and in turn cause him to be hurt by their rejection of him. He did not resent that this was the way it had to be. But Amar could not do that without feeling like a hypocrite.

She should not have spoken: the girlish sound of her own voice makes her cry. She has made herself weak in front of him. She has lost. She turns from him and runs past Mumma, who she knows will never take her side, will only harp on the fact that she had been batamiz on a holy night. That she has caused him stress and pain. She runs past Huda and Amar and into her own room, where she slams the door and dissolved into a fit of quiet sobs on her bed, allows the thoughts that anger her and sadden her and frighten her to enter her: that she hates Baba, her limited life. She only wanted to go to a party to be there for Dani, but know she will meet all the boys in the world just to spite Baba, she will shave half her head and dye the rest electric blue-but even that will not be enough because she will never escape this place unless she runs from it.

There is comfort in the feel of her entire body stretched out against the cool concrete. How furious Baba would be if he looked out a window and saw her. What would the neighbourhood think of him, for having a daughter who did something like that? She smiles a little. But he won’t come for her. Not stay they have fought. He won’t try to appease her. He will wait for the apology that is his right, simply because he is older, because he is her fair, and a father is deserving of respect regardless of how she feels about good rules and the logic he uses to arrive at them.

What good does it do to give me a gift now, she will think, when all I wanted was just for things to be another way yesterday. 

"I don’t know how others do it," she was saying now. "I would never want to get married like that. To someone who just saw a picture of me and sent a proposal—who has already made his decision and it doesn’t matter what I do or don’t do, what I say or don’t say, he’s just going to accept it. I want it to be me because of me. Me because of what I have said and done and thought. I want it to be him not because of his job or good family but because of how he thinks about the world, how he moves through it. And how we feel about each other."

She could be a doctor, begin residency in six to seven years if all went well, Inshallah, it would go well. And before they registered the news, their expressions were confused and there was her fear: that it had been a lie, Baba saying she could study anywhere if she became a doctor, and now it was also possible and he would say no to this too.

AS MUMMA INSTRUCTED, Hadia sat far enough away from Tariq that two hands could rest between them. She made sure to not laugh too loudly, to not touch him, to not appear, in Mumma’s words, shamelessly eager to be married. It was an absurd expectation placed on women: that they agree to marriage without appearing as though they wanted it. That they at least display innocence. Hadia never understood what was so threatening about a woman experiencing a desire and being unafraid to express it. But on the stage now, she complied with Mumma’s wishes, remembering how Mumma had told her, \"You chose your husband. He is not Shia. Please do us the kindness of not making it appear so obviously a love marriage.\" She was getting married to who she wanted. Her mother might say it like an accusation, but the fact remained true. She had won the biggest battle: the battle that would determine the rest of her life.

"Are you sure?" her mother had asked her, after she had told them about Tariq, after Baba had been so upset he had gone to his study and slammed the door with the helpless frustration of a child who knows that even his displeasure will change nothing.
"I am telling you because I am sure."
Mumma looked shocked and betrayed by the implication, but she recovered easily. 

It was a ritual that had come about in the days when one never even saw the face of their spouse before they were wed. It had been how her grandparents on both sides had first seen one another. By the time her parents had gotten married, it was a formality; her father had visited her mother’s home twice. They had never spoken in private but had seen each other from across the room. Now that it was Hadia’s turn, it was no more than a performance—she had memorized Tariq’s freckle beneath his eyebrow, the spot on his beard that grew in a swirl. Each generation lost touch bit by bit. By the time it was her children’s turn, would there even be a point?

** The New York Times bestseller ** 'To be taken hostage by Fatima Mirza’s heartrending and timely story is a gutting pleasure... She captures your mind and heart with an urgency that defies you to stop reading. I guarantee you will be different when you close the book' Sarah Jessica Parker 'I loved this book' Anne Tyler 'The depth of the storytelling and the beauty of the language makes this debut something to treasure' John Boyne An Indian–Muslim family is preparing for their eldest daughter's wedding. But as Hadia's marriage – one chosen of love, not tradition – gathers the family back together, there is only one thing on their minds: can Amar, the estranged younger brother of the bride, be trusted to behave himself after three years away? A Place for Us tells the story of one family and all family life: of coming to terms with the choices we make, of reconciingly past and present and of how the smallest decisions can lead to the deepest betrayals.

Ambreen Hasan

I'm listening to a sad qawwali from Coke Studio as I write this because that is just the mood I have been in the past 5 hours since I have finished this book.

This is a book that will stay with me for a really, really long time and will probably be my best read of 2018. 

I haven't ever read a book that captured the life of an American Indian Muslim family so intimately. It was equally sweet but even more painful. Mirza's writing is without a doubt captivating and powerful. From the opening chapter I knew this would be a special book because I could relate to it like no other book I've ever read. 

The book follows the past, present, and future events of a Muslim family from California. The events each member goes through it something to reflect on because it is probably something you experienced as a Pakisani/Indian Muslim, witnessed, or heard about.

Each character I felt a connection to and empathized with deeply. I connected with Amar the most throughout the book and then later the father, Rafiq, in the last part (that part destroyed me). I found myself a lot in Amar. Amar was the kid who was often in trouble from his parents and community members. He questioned everything and demanded answers. He was stubborn, often angry but also just wanted to be understood. At the same time he wanted to be accepted from his family, but also struggled with the idea of ever being accepted by them because of how different he felt he was. 

It was a powerful read and one I will be recommending profusely to friends and family.

I will end this review with one of my favorite quotes from the book (who I am kidding though I almost highlighted entire chapters):

Alone we will all be made to cross the bridge as thin as a hair and as sharp as a knife. Alone we will be judged. Some of us will go to heaven right away, and others will have to repent, the hellfire cleansing us of our sins first. And if what we have been taught is true, I will not enter without you. I will wait by the gate until I see your face. I have waited a decade, haven’t I, in this limited life? Waiting in the endless one would be no sacrifice. And Inshallah one day, I know I will see you approaching. You will look just as you did at twenty, that year you first left us, and I will also be as I was in my youth. We will look like brothers on that day. We will walk together, as equals.

A story of family identity and belonging follows an Indian family through the marriage of their daughter, from the parents' arrival in the United States to the return of their estranged son.

Kayla 

I was so engaged throughout this book! It starts off at the eldest daughter’s wedding. Her estranged brother is attending after she called and asked him to come. The family has not seen him in 3 years and the reason for his distance is a result of a clash on cultural values. We get perspectives from multiple members of the family. Most of the book changes between the mother, Layla, the son, Amar, and the eldest daughter, Haida. What I loved most about this book is that it switches from present, at the wedding, to events in the past, like childhood stories or life before moving to America. I really enjoyed learning more about Indian Muslim culture, this was focused on Shia Muslim culture, and seeing how an immigrant family lives in America and deals with issues like racism and the tragic events of 9/11. It gave me a new understanding of how immigrant families worry about their children losing ties to their culture and how important it is to the parents that their children retain some of the traditions. Through the perspectives of Hadia and Amar we see them trying to find a balance between their family’s cultural values and the culture of other ethnic groups like Sunni Muslims and White Americans. .
.
I really felt sympathy and empathy for each character in here. The father comes across as someone most people will not understand but I really found myself empathetic to his emotions and actions. .

Renee Blankenship

Review to come! Can I rate this more than five stars? ALL THE STARS.

** The New York Times bestseller ** 'To be taken hostage by Fatima Mirza's heartrending and timely story is a gutting pleasure... She captures your mind and heart with an urgency that defies you to stop reading. I guarantee you will be different when you close the book' Sarah Jessica Parker A Place for Us catches an Indian Muslim family as they prepare for their eldest daughter's wedding. But as Hadia's marriage -- one chosen of love, not tradition -- gathers the family back together, there is only one thing on their minds: can Amar, the estranged younger brother of the bride, be trusted to behave himself after three years away? A Place for Us tells the story of one family, but all family life is here. Rafiq and Layla must come to terms with the choices their children have made, while Hadia, Huda and Amar must reconcile their present culture with their parents' world, treading a path between old and new. And they must all learn how the smallest decisions can lead to the deepest betrayals. This is a novel for our times: a deeply moving examination of love, identity and belonging that turns our preconceptions over one by one. It announces Fatima Farheen Mirza as a major new literary talent.

Pia Sophia

This book didn’t have the wow-factor for me. I liked Part One a lot and was eager to read more (what did Amar do, why is he invited to the wedding if what he did made the family not speak to each other for 3 years?) but I felt Part Two was waaaay to long and got dull as it was missing action there. Part Three, again, was interesting and I honestly feel Mirza could have stopped writing and leave the book as it was at that. Part Four was, yet again, the same line of writing as Part Two and therefore, again, rather dull. 

I still feel the writing itself was nice and I grew a little affection for each of the characters (except Huda, because I feel I didn’t get to know her well enough), but the book was just to flat for me. More present-day and less reminiscing on the past would have made this story way more interesting for me.

Ana Couto

I LOVED this book. I wouldn’t say it’s very plot-driven, but the characters are all so complex and multidimensional (the book is told from alternating perspectives), and I also found it to be incredibly well-written. There are several layers to this story, but overall it’s about an immigrant family trying to make a home in a foreign land, and whether we truly belong in the families we are born into. Personally, I believe the hype for this title is well and truly justified!

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A Place for Us by Fatima Farheen Mirza

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