Name: Apiecalypse Jen's review of River of Teeth by Sarah Gailey
Item: River of Teeth
Rating: 4
Author: Apiecalypse Jen

Sarah Gailey

Sarah Gailey's wildfire debut River of Teeth is a rollicking alternate history adventure that Charlie Jane Anders calls "preposterously fun." In the early 20th Century, the United States government concocted a plan to import hippopotamuses into the marshlands of Louisiana to be bred and slaughtered as an alternative meat source. This is true. Other true things about hippos: they are savage, they are fast, and their jaws can snap a man in two. This was a terrible plan. Contained within this volume is an 1890s America that might have been: a bayou overrun by feral hippos and mercenary hippo wranglers from around the globe. It is the story of Winslow Houndstooth and his crew. It is the story of their fortunes. It is the story of his revenge.

River of Teeth

Skye Landau

A Finalist for the 2017 Nebula Award for Best Novella Sarah Gailey's wildfire debut River of Teeth is a rollicking alternate history adventure that Charlie Jane Anders calls "preposterously fun." In the early 20th Century, the United States government concocted a plan to import hippopotamuses into the marshlands of Louisiana to be bred and slaughtered as an alternative meat source. This is true. Other true things about hippos: they are savage, they are fast, and their jaws can snap a man in two. This was a terrible plan. Contained within this volume is an 1890s America that might have been: a bayou overrun by feral hippos and mercenary hippo wranglers from around the globe. It is the story of Winslow Houndstooth and his crew. It is the story of their fortunes. It is the story of his revenge. At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.

Apiecalypse Jen

It's cute. While not particularly deep or complex, as I saw probably every plot twist coming from a mile away, it would make a great 90 minute PG-13 action flick. The romance was sweet, the diversity was awesome, and the action - while a little corny - was fun. It's a fun alternate history and definitely worth a try. I'm still wowed by the idea that we almost farmed hippos in the US.

Kirsten Simkiss

Didi Chanoch

Hippos, revenge, lethal ladies, a genius enby and more come together in Sarah Gailey's stunning debut novella, an alternate history with teeth, both physical and metaphorical. 

I may write more of a review later, but for now, know that you want this.

Natalie

I didn't particularly care for this. It's well written and Archie and the hippos are fabulous, but I just didn't connect with it.

Magnus Dahl

Hippo-riding cowboys did not do it for me.

Maggie Gordon

River of Teeth is an alternative history western where horses are replaced with hippos. Do you really need anything else to be sold on that amazing premise? Sadly, I think this little novella could have been much more awesome. It has a great set of characters, deals with some diversity issues well, but the plot and development suffer from the short length. It needed more time to really dig into the story and for the thrills to actually feel thrilling. Most of the motivations felt pretty lacking, and even a character death felt pretty blase. But it was intriguing enough for me to read the second volume when it comes out this fall!

✨Tyler ✨

3.5 stars is more accurate but i liked the river hippos concept and i like Sarah Gailey so I rounded up.

Sarah Escorsa

You might want to take a deep breath before reading the following sentence. You're welcome.

Why this book which I read before the summer and consequently remember very little about—except that it was slightly not good—because I only have one grey cell left—bloody shrimping tourists be damned—should have been awesome because man-eating hippos and mercenaries and Louisiana and stuff, but wasn't and therefore kinda sorta disappointed me as you might have grasped from my not-so-wondrous rating:

① 
  The Lackluster Yawn of Death
 (LYoD™):
Okay. So this story should have been slightly exciting. I mean, feral hippos, my Little Barnacles, FERAL HIPPOS. And a pretty original Alternative Western Type US Setting Thing (AWTUST™). And and a promising bunch of super hot mercenaries. Well I'd assumed they'd be hot because they were, you know, mercenaries and stuff. But life sucks and all mercenaries are not Black Company ones and thank you Glen Cook for ruining me for ever I hate you okay not quite but almost. So anyway, these aren't the hot mercenaries you're looking for, nothing to see and stuff. 



My pal Darthie just lent me a bunch of Stormies to help police my reviews. Pretty cool, huh? The guy might have terrible fashion sense sometimes, but you can always count on him to help with your tyrannical duties.

These are probably the mostest not-hottest mercenaries ever. And they're flatter than a herd of ironing boards. So are all the other characters in this book, by the way. I just couldn't bring myself to give a bloody shrimping damn about them. Team Total Lack of Depth 1 – Team Interesting Bunch 000. Okay, to be disgustingly honest, there were actually two pretty cool characters in the story: Ruby and Rosa. The hippos. Conclusion: you know there's a problem with characterization when the animals in your novella have more personality than the rest of the cast put together. QED and stuff.

Also, the story itself was Deadly Land of Meh Material (DLoMM™). There was some blood and gore, thank my Shrimpy Lord, but apart from that? So boringly predictable.



I'm hot and sexy, I know.

② 
  The Non-Binary Gender Character Stuff of Doom and Destruction
 (NBGCSoDaD™):
Before the PC freaks start trolling, please kindly note I am not making a judgement on the NBGCSoDaD™ itself, or on how people chose to define themselves. He/she/they/barnacle, it's all the same to me. My concern is about authors who choose to feature gender fluid characters in their stories just because it's cool/trendy/whatever to do so, even when it serves absolutely no purpose, and adds nothing to their narrative. 

So. One of the characters here is referred to as "they" instead of "he" or "she." Which confused the fish out of me at first. Because, after spending so many years hidden in my subaquatic cave, I'd never heard of non-binary persons before I read this story. Not having a clue what this was all about, I'd assumed this was the author prepping us for some awesome twist or big revelation later in the story. Except that it wasn't. And I might have understood what was going on, had the author bothered to explore/develop this particular character further, but she didn't, so I didn't. And yes, I know this is only a novella which makes it hard to go into much detail, but still. This character being genderqueer should have added depth and meaning to the story, especially since they become romantilustically (yes, that is a word) involved with the male lead. But it didn't. And the whole thing ended up feeling completely pointless. So why add such a character to your narrative then? Because you can, that's why. Because you're hip, that's why.



My thoughts exactly.

» And the moral of this It Only Took Me Four Months to Write this Thing Wow Go Me and Stuff Crappy Non Review (IOTMFMtWtTWGMaSCNR™) is: I'm about to read the follow up to this story. A very special kind of nefarious masochist is obviously me. 
 
· Book 2: Taste of Marrow ★★★



[February 2017]

Lethal, murderous hippos + 1890s Louisiana + mercenaries + rrrrrevenge =



P.S. Ilona Andrews, this is all your fault.

Flavia Louise

3.25 stars upon reread

Sadly didn't really get it and will therefor rate it after I reread it in physical form.

Scott Vandehey

What a great plot hook. When Annie saw me working on this post, she sneered at the title, assuming it was some sort of horror book. When I explained that it’s actually about hippo-riding cowboys in an alternate history, and features a non-binary character, gay romance, and a plus-size con-woman, she got mad I didn’t tell her about it sooner.

Sally Salinas

Ben Nathan

Tons of fun. The idea of cowboys pulling of a river caper while riding hippopotamus is incredibly amusing. It was a smile of a book and I highly recommend for a light fast fun read.

Skye Landau &
River of Teeth by Sarah Gailey

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