Hello I Want to Die Please Fix Me Depression in the First Person

Anna Mehler Paperny — 2019

Frank, eye-opening, heartbreaking and disarmingly funny, Anna Mehler Paperny is a fabulous, vibrant new voice. In her galvanizing memoir-meets-exposé, writing with riveting vitality and intelligence about surviving suicide and the ways we try to talk about and treat depression, she has discovered what eludes many: a way to reach out to us to talk about one of the increasingly concerning medical issues today. An energetic tour-de-force of empathy and desire for understanding, Hello! I Want to Die, Please Fix Me is compelling reading, as well as essential for anyone curious to understand how it feels to be depressed, or whose life, family or friends has been touched by depression. Anna Mehler Paperny is a young journalist from Toronto--a smart, passionate reporter who has contributed to the Toronto Star, Global News, The Globe and Mail, The Wall Street Journal, Reuters, and just about every major news outlet you can think of. In her early-twenties, while thriving in her dream job, enjoying warm familial support and a strong social network of friends and colleagues, Anna found herself trapped by feelings of failure and despair. In September 2011, she made her first attempt to kill herself by ingesting a deadly mix of sleeping pills and antifreeze, landing her in the ICU followed by weeks of enforced detention in two different big-city psych wards. This was Anna's entry point into the labyrinthine psychiatric care system--one that is nominally responsible for providing the best reasonable care to millions of Canadians suffering from severe, life-threatening mental illness. Her first stay in the psych ward--at times horrifying, other times boring, hilarious and absurd--was just the beginning of a long recovery and a journey towards understanding, first-hand, the myriad ways our systems and medical practitioners treat--and fail to treat--a disease that afflicts a full fifth of the population. While trying to be a good patient, Anna cannot help but turn her intrepid journalist's eye on the world around her--in the psych ward, as an outpatient, as a survivor enduring the gruelling ordeal of facing concerned family, friends and co-workers; of finding the right meds, the right therapist; of staying insured and employed. Anna's personal account of life in the shadow of self-obliteration explores in searing detail her individual experience of depression, close encounters with fatal self-harm, and the trials and errors of treatment. It is at the same time an illuminating, profound, and utterly original analysis of how we approach mental illness in North America; the novel hypotheses specialists are putting forward to tackle it; and the truth about how primitive our methods of healing sick brains still are.

Reviews

Ryan Mateyk@the_rybrary

Jul 4, 2024

this was fantastic

Ricca Pamela F. Tria @palmxxx

Jan 7, 2024

Made me feel like I finally had a friend who understands what I am going through. Like I no longer need to explain why I feel what I feel. Most specially, the book made me realize I wasn't alone.

𝓬𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓮@caffeineand

Dec 20, 2022

TRIGGER WARNING

I personally enjoyed the read but please please please exercise your own discretion especially if you struggle with your own mental health as this book can be extremely triggering. It's not a light-hearted, comforting book like Matt Haig's The Comfort Book. It's part self memoir and journalistic investigation into depression and suicide. It was confronting at times and challenged my own perspective.

Steffi@perksofstef

Feb 2, 2022

TW: talks of all kinds of mental illness, suicide, treatments, and symptoms. Personally, i wouldn't recommend this to anyone who isn't planning on studying psychology or something in the field of mental health. I would highly recommend it to someone (who isn't depressed) wanting to understand depression or knows someone with depression. The reason I say this is because we see firsthand the authors suicide attempts and the many conversations had with others who have lost someone to suicide. Another reason, and this is my fault completely. I didn't expect this book to be as research heavy as it was. I thoughts this was a book about the authors experience with depression and living with it, but 90% of it is full of conversations with professionals in the field of psychiatry and neurology. We get a deep dive into various treatments for depression, statistics on people who don't seek therapy and potential reasons, the need for primary physicians to do a better job at intakes (hospitals too), and just a bunch of things we are still lacking such as funds and focus on finding alternatives to treat depression. It is HEAVY and full information. There is no doubt the author did their research and extensive one at that and I'm glad I read it.... i guess I don't know if the intended audience are those who have depression.

Rebeca Keren Nuñez@rebecanunez

Oct 25, 2021

** Thanks to Netgalley and the publisher for providing me with the digital copy of this book in exchange for my honest review ** Honesto y desgarrador, pero esperanzador. Es muy interesante como a través de la propia experiencia, la autora ha escrito este libro, que todos deberíamos leer, ya que todos o luchamos o conocemos a alguien que lucha contra esta enfermedad. Ademas del contenido emocional, el libro es informativo. Muy interesante libro.

Heather Harrington@nerdybynatureblog

Oct 23, 2021

As someone who also deals with anxiety/depression, I thought this would be an interesting read. While I can appreciate how much time and research went into this, I don't think it always came across in the best way.