So, who Am I Now? How Does the Discovery of a Family Reproductive Secret Impact Understanding of Personal Identity?

A family without secrets is rare (Imber-Black, 1998; Kuhn, 2002; Smart, 2011; Vangelisti, 1994; Goodall, 2005; Knauth, 2003). Every secret is part of a "complicated web of family and social history, past and current relationships, powerful emotions, intense beliefs, attributed meanings, and an imagined future" (Imber-Black, 1998, p. 4). All families have secrets but the discovery of a reproductive family secret can be complete paradigm shift. This study collected the narratives of 10 people recruited from Auckland, New Zealand - 7 women and 3 men between the ages of 25 and 66 - all of whom had discovered at least one reproductive secret kept from them by their family. One on one interveiws found participants experienced betrayal, anger, selective relational dissociation and sometimes denial at the discovery of a secret. Loss of valued relationships was experienced and the location of self in a wider familial context and the increased perspective into self and familial identity was gained. Discovery of a reproductive secret often presented difficult challenges to intimacy as secret learners felt the effects of being outside a circle of knowing in their own family - and particularly when the secret concerned their own genetic origin. However, once discovery was made, many experienced increased intimacy with their secret holders and found relief for the narrative unease that had been caused by previous gaps in autobiographical knowledge.