The Courage To Be Disliked How to Free Yourself, Change Your Life and Achieve Real Happiness
Reviews
it was interesting to say the least, made some very convincing points, a lot of confusing parts but the book did a great job explaning later on, but there were some parts that i still dont really get,
one of those books whose takeaways will be with you for a long time ... honestly I don't want this book to end... really something that explaining in words is not possible 🥀
Extremely thought provoking and eye opening book to Adlerian Theory.
for a self help book, i've enjoyed this so much. i liked the debate-like narration between the philosopher and the youth and it opened my eyes to new perspectives. adlerian psychology is an quite interesting theory, i wanna know and read about it more.
I will be reading this at least a few times a year for the foreseeable future ✨
I like their conversations. learned some interesting things. Everyone , belongs?
Lots of good takeaways and different ideologies that changed my everyday life
This book helped me change my view on almost everything and helped me a lot to move on. It changed me for better.
I started reading this with a Very open mind, and some parts were okay i could agree with the author, but when he said that you can control emotions he completely lost me, then i thought maybe I'm just being bitter because the """"truth hurts"""", but i couldn't stop thinking (while reading it) about mental illnesses and how does this theory apply to them ? there is a lot of scientific research now that has been proven and that revokes a lot of these things the author said so now this just feels outdated... also the way it was written... just made me feel stupid, like is this a children book?...
This self-help book is probably the last one I’ll read for a while because of two reasons. First, its ideas need time and practice, the book is bringing you to a water source, but it is your responsibility to drink after you’ve finished the book. The book gives you a framework in which you should find your own path. Second, I feel like I got many questions answered. I would need time to turn that feeling into understanding, practice, choices, words. For now, it’s just a feeling. The book is also very specific about the target audience. The youth (one of the two characters) has many challenges, and if those challenges are your challenges too, you’ll enjoy reading this book. This was the case for me, hence the five stars.
Very simply written but incredibly on point.
“To borrow the proverb, one would make the effort to lead someone to water, but whether he drinks or not is that person’s task. The courage to be happy also includes the courage to be disliked. Your interpersonal relationships will all at once change into things of lightness.” As the title itself, this book will encourage you to have your free will— as noticing that not everything is under your control, and it’s not your fault. I had many things to say on my early journey of this book, around 20 pages, since it makes me realize all my whole life was a JOKE. 😭🥹 Basically, this book shows you some theories from Alfred Adler, a psychology alongside Freud and Jung. It’s a whole conversation between curious-yet-tantrum youth and patient-yet-quite-manipulative philosopher. This book makes me thinking further way that not everything we know today is it is? That’s what I don’t like about social studies, not like science, it’s hard to swallow it fruitfully. Like any other philosophy books I read, like what my dad taught me about Dialectics from Hegel’s discovery, there always be thesis and anti-thesis. Life is a series of moments, which one lives as if one were dancing, right now, around and around each passing instant. A life without a destination, who would acknowledge such an unsteady life, that bends whichever way the wind blows? I learned about a termed “kinetic (dynamic) life.” but contrast could be called an “energeial (actual-active-state) life. Refer it to Aristotle’s explanation, ordinary motion—which is referred to as kinesis, has a starting point and an end point. The movement from the starting point to the end point is optimal if it is carried out as effienctly and as quickly as possible. Oh, I also learned about etiology (the study of causation) and teleology (the study of the purpose of a given phenomenon, rather than its cause). You will find so many gaslighting phrases that make you quite drained as you turning the page. However, the moral of this book is finding the courage to live your best life. Not to lean and do wrongdoings so you will be disliked. A short reality check from life-coach philosopher. Recommended!
when i saw the title, i know well enough that i am the target audience of this book. i was right. and as the audience, i like it. it's quite straightforward with what it's trying to tell you and after reading a lot of non-fictions and not finishing them, i think these kinds of narration work the best for me my only issue with it is the format, which looks like a drama script. oh, and the jargons (life-lie, kinetic life, energial life....). don't know why we have to name everything.
3.5
I was surprised to find out that the book was mostly about introducing the reader to Adlerian psychology. Since I had no previous experience with that, it was a good intro. Overall, the book had too much filler to make the ideas more palatable, but worth a read despite that.
(3.5)
** spoiler alert ** i did not completely agree with some ideas but so many lessons from the book are valuable to me now journal entry: 'life is simple—based on the arguments here, i agree. i enjoyed this book, i loved the lessons i learned. but it's not something i entirely agree with yet, most especially the chapter on trauma. there are other ideas i didn't agree with because it seemed to be so individualistic, but overall, i learned a ton: - casting a light on the here & now instead of the past & present - self-acceptance, confidence in others, and contribution to others - confidence in others is different from trusting them because the former is unconditional - do not rebuke or praise - accepting one's incapable self - community feeling: you & i > i - listen to the voice of the larger community - separation of tasks!!! whose task is this? - deny the desire for recogntion - biggest life-lie of all is not focusing on the here & now - do not live to satisfy the expectations of others - psychology of use - the courage to be normal
This book reached me when I needed it most, and it dramatically changed my outlook on life. The section about controlling your anger was so helpful for me and what I was dealing with at the time of the read--being able to tell yourself that your anger is misplaced is a powerful thing.
A fascinating insight into Adlerian psychology, which challenges the reader to adopt new paradigms through thought-provoking dialogue.
I read this book in parts across 1.5 years (Jan 2020 - May 2021). Happy that I just finished this! I personally liked the conversational style of discussing Adlerian Psychology in this book. It makes it easier to finish a book, and that's a plus in my book. The boy's dialogue can get a bit dramatic though but I just find it really funny, especially in the audiobook which I listened to in the last half. So I find the core tenets of Adlerian Psychology described in this book to be quite revealing of the kinds of problems we face in today's world. It puts to words a lot of things I thought about but didn't find the right words. I don't agree with everything that is said in this book, such as that we should deny trauma entirely, but I think it's good at flipping the power dynamic on us so we can find the empowerment to reinvent our lifestyle for the better. Like all wisdom, while this book helps me to understand more of how I want to live, but the hard part is always the actual living it out.
in the world living floating and always had the massive pursue on us, on me, as an adulthood mankind human then seems like world never would be enough or satisfied in everything i try hard to be done. somehow feelin lost and feelin like im really leave behind in this marathon competition over each others human beside. this book changed all that perspective throughout. makes me feelin like all the concern i got in the journey for setting the anchors of how do i made it through of my life finally got the deem light answer by it. life is simple. world functioning too in general work of simple way. thats it. thats the results of this book had been marked it on me. earnestly we as a human being cherished in each second of moments we had right on that. same as how i pictured on the definition of past and future. the terms of thats two issues somehow still bizarre in society but with this book it guides me warmly with dont givin too much thought on that. as long as you put your feet still on dancing day by day then without you realising you come arriving in the place that you never had dreaming about in the passed. and you happy cause you made it that far. so for you. yes you. spare a little time and digest this book slowly. it will help you opened up your eyes. i feel relieved to be found this book.
much more than the title suggests
This is my all-time favorite book now. The subtle art of not giving a fu*k was my top self-help book but now it's this. While reading this book, a lot of the time I was like wait, that can't be true. I can't accept that. but after a while it all made sense. Also, I really like the conversation-like format and felt like the one asking the same questions a lot of times. I will re-read it soon. Be open-minded and ready to break your beliefs.
To put in every hands
Highlights
A healthy feeling of inferiority is not something that comes from comparing oneself to others, but from one's comparison with one's ideal self.
Someone has to start. Other people might not be cooperative, but that is not connected to you. My advice is this: You should start. With no regard to whether others are cooperatiVe or not.
The life of the past that looks like a straight line only appears that way to you as a result of your making ceaseless resolutions to not change. The life that lies ahead of vou is a completely blank page, and there are no tracks that have been laid for you to follow. There is no story there.
Life is a series of moments, and neither the past nor the future exist. You are trying to give yourself a way out by focusing on the past and the future. What happened in the past has nothing whatsoever to do with your here and now, and what the future may hold is not a matter to think about here and now. If you are living earnestly here and now, you will not be concerned with such things.
You are probably rejecting normality because you cquate being normal with being incapable. Being normal is not being incapable.
If one's means far gaining a feeling of contribution turns out to be 'being recognised by others, in the long run, one will have no choice but to walk through life in accordance with other people's wishes. There is no freedom in a feeling of contribution that is gained through the desire for recognition. We are beings who choose freedom while aspiring to happiness.
Work does not mean having a job at a company. Work in the home, childrearing, contributing to the local SOciety, hobbies and all manner of other things are work. Companies and such are just one small part of that. A way of living that acknowl edges only company work is one that is lacking in harmony of life.
It is when one is able to fee l am beneficial to the communaty that one can have a true sense of one's worth.
When one is not following through with one's tasks, .not because one is without ability. Adlerian psychology tells us that the issue here is not because one is without ability, but simply that 'one has lost the courage to face one's tasks' And, if that is the case, the thing to do before anything else is to recover that lost courage.
Children who have not been taught to confront challenges will try to avoid all challenges.
You are worried about being judged h other people. 1 hat is why you are constantly craving recognition from others. Now, why are you worried about other people looking at vOu, anyway? Adlerian psychology has an easy answer. You haven't done the separation of tasks yet.
What other people think when they see your face - that is the task of other people and not something you can control
'It's not what one is born with, but what use one makes of that equipment.
One is running away from one's life tasks by saying that everything is the fault of other people, or the fault of one's environment.
FILOZOF: Nemati ciljeve ili snove je u redu. Ziveti iskreno svoje ovde i sada samo po sebi je ples. Covek ne bi smeo da shvata sebe suviše ozbiljno. Molim te, nemoj da mešaš pojmove iskrenoi suviše ozbiljno.
šta drugi ljudi misle kada vide tvoje lice - to je zadatak tih drugih ljudi, nije nešto nad čim ti imaš bilo kakvu kontrolu.
FILOZOF: U učenjima judaizma možemo naći rečenice poput ako ne živiš sam svoj život, ko će ga živeti umesto tebe? Ti živiš samo svoj život. Kada dodemo do pitanja za koga ga živiš, odge- vor je naravno za sebe. U tom slučaju, ako ne živiš sam svoj život, ko bi mogao to da uradi umesto tebe? Uostalom, svi mi živimo svoj život misleći na „ja". Ne postoji razlog zbog kog ne bismo smeli da mislimo tako.
FILOZOF: Osoba se oseća ovako zato što je u nekom trenutku odlučila u sebi: Zelim da okončam ovu vezu, i od tada traži razloge da to ura- di. Druga osoba se uopšte nije promenila. Ono što se promenilo jeste
'No matter what has occurred in your life up to this point, it should have no bearing at all on how you live from now on.' That you, living in the here and now, are the one who determines your own life.