Hi

"What did you wish for?"

"Your happiness.

"Why?”

"Because I need you to be happy, even after my death. I need you to be okay. I want to know you found your happiness, Colin."

How do I tell someone who’s suicidal that I’ve already found my happiness, and it will leave right when she does?

I know this girl is special. She has a huge heart, loves with so much brightness. It’s so sad to see that she wouldn’t even see it herself.

So I’ll be loving her. I’ll love her until her last breath, and even after that I’ll continue to love her with every breath I take. Even if I have to breathe for the both of us.

'You shouldn’t have been born, Lily.'

How much hatred does a mother need to have inside of her to scream this at her child? How much pain does she have to be in, in order to make her daughter feel this miserable?

And that makes me wonder; why would anyone want to live when all there is in the end is death?

“He loves you.”

“He sure as hell doesn’t.”

“You did see the way he looks at you, right?”

“How does he look at me?”

“The way I’ve wanted him to look at me for a while,” she says, but I don’t quite understand. “Like he’s in love with you.”

Every single day I am begging the crying creature staring back at me in the mirror to just hold on for a little while longer.

I’m scared that if I stay, I will only continue to live in misery.

That’s why I can’t stay.

I don’t want to stay.

I can’t feel the pain anymore.

It’s getting unbearable.

The satisfaction that comes through when you realize you carried so much weight like it was a feather. You feel lighter when it’s gone and only then do you realize how heavy it was on you.

Technically it makes sense because a body contains energy. And since energy doesn’t go lost, it’ll have to go somewhere after death, right?

This is a battle I lost. A battle against myself. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it.

This whole thing here, breathing, it’s getting too much for me. My body doesn’t want to be here anymore, neither does my soul. I’m tired.