Never Split the Difference
Educational
Insightful
Refreshing

Never Split the Difference Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It

A former international hostage negotiator for the FBI offers a new, field-tested approach to high-stakes negotiations—whether in the boardroom or at home. After a stint policing the rough streets of Kansas City, Missouri, Chris Voss joined the FBI, where his career as a hostage negotiator brought him face-to-face with a range of criminals, including bank robbers and terrorists. Reaching the pinnacle of his profession, he became the FBI’s lead international kidnapping negotiator. Never Split the Difference takes you inside the world of high-stakes negotiations and into Voss’s head, revealing the skills that helped him and his colleagues succeed where it mattered most: saving lives. In this practical guide, he shares the nine effective principles—counterintuitive tactics and strategies—you too can use to become more persuasive in both your professional and personal life. Life is a series of negotiations you should be prepared for: buying a car, negotiating a salary, buying a home, renegotiating rent, deliberating with your partner. Taking emotional intelligence and intuition to the next level, Never Split the Difference gives you the competitive edge in any discussion.
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Reviews

Photo of Avery
Avery@schmavery
4 stars
Apr 8, 2024

Wasn�t exactly what I expected. Had some interesting insights but not many that I would personally use frequently in day-to-day life. Not a bad book to have around so that you can flip through it for reference if you need to negotiate a big deal though.

Photo of John Manoogian III
John Manoogian III@jm3
5 stars
Apr 4, 2024

The FBI hostage war stories are fun to read. Some of the principles in the book will be old hat to anyone with some successful experience in sales or other relationship oriented work. I’m not sure the author does a great job mapping how his perspective being deep in kidnapper psychology helps the average person eg. negotiate a raise or buy a used car, which is probably the more likely use case for most readers.

Photo of Pierre
Pierre@pst
5 stars
Apr 4, 2024

Even if I apply 10% of this book’s lesson, I’ll probably be 2 or 3 times more proficient in my negotiations. This book made me want to practice and negotiate more. I wish I could “spar” to test these skills.

Photo of Simone Felisati
Simone Felisati@felox210
5 stars
Jan 30, 2024

Incredible book about negotiations. Teaches about practical techniques anyone can apply to improve their negotiation skills but also goes in-depth about the philosophy of negotiations: nobody will be happy with a compromise and negotiations are not only work-related as we negotiate all the time in life, even with ourselves, and we must identify what we want to achieve from each interaction and work actively towards that goal.

Photo of Pamela Koh
Pamela Koh@the1pam
5 stars
Jan 29, 2024

Easy read with clear actionables!

Photo of Aamna
Aamna@aamnakhan
5 stars
Dec 20, 2023

Will need to re-read this twice more. So much tangible advice I need to try out.

Photo of Heiki Riesenkampf
Heiki Riesenkampf@hrk
4 stars
Dec 18, 2023

** spoiler alert ** Interesting insights and stories despite very low expectations.

Photo of Sarah Schumacher
Sarah Schumacher@smschumacher
5 stars
Jun 25, 2023

Deserving of the high reviews; lots of great information.

Photo of ben thomas
ben thomas@benthomas
5 stars
Jun 1, 2023

Stories from an expert negotiator, on how people's minds work and how to get the best from other people while also improving your situation. You can apply techniques to many other situations in life.

Photo of Tuago
Tuago@iagomr
4 stars
Apr 13, 2023

Fun read with engaging stories about the author’s work in CIA hostage negotiations. It gives some great learnings on how to approach negotiations and get more information out of your counterpart so that you end up in a better position.

Photo of jason birchall
jason birchall@jasonbirchall
3 stars
Feb 18, 2023

I found myself using the tools in this book to negotiate with my toddler, who's going through a tantrum phase.

It was gripping at times and comical. The author does a great job of making you feel like you're in the room while he regales stories of successes and failures throughout his career.

Photo of Matthew Royal
Matthew Royal@masyukun
4 stars
Feb 13, 2023

Voss shares his "magic formulas" for negotiating. He seems to think they're foolproof, and befuddle the academics, but they seem easily gameable if you identify someone's using one of his strategies. Still, there's value in understanding anchoring, mirroring, and tactical empathy, so despite its weaknesses, this book gets a 4.5 from me and goes into my toolbox and reread pile.

Photo of Saud K
Saud K@bidyut
5 stars
Jan 25, 2023

Must read

Photo of Oz Lubling
Oz Lubling@ozlubling
4 stars
Jan 20, 2023

This book definitely gets a lot of hype out there, but I think it’s partially deserved. The advice and techniques are applicable to many life scenarios. Even if you never use any of them, understanding how they work is a helpful education in human psychology.

Photo of poprika
poprika@poprika
4 stars
Jan 15, 2023

Very interesting and useful

Photo of Arturo Hernández
Arturo Hernández@artthh
4 stars
Jan 3, 2023

I listened to this on Audible and it was a good selection. The author was the one who read the book on the version I chose and he did a very good job at it (he mentions this is needed for though negotiations even, a specific voice tone). It provides an interesting insight into the psychology of negotiations in all sorts of situations and functions as a very instructive how-to guide. I would have loved to hear more examples of how to apply the strategies he mentioned throughout though.

Photo of Patrick Ludewig
Patrick Ludewig@patrick
5 stars
Dec 11, 2022

Love it, will re read it. Good insights with wonderful stories and relations to real life.

+2
Photo of Nour sabrine
Nour sabrine@thebonsaibook
5 stars
Sep 18, 2022

Second time reading this book and it never fails to amaze me. This book is great for negotiators, business people, or anyone wanting to learn the art of negotiation. A thoroughly bookmarked copy would also be the most welcome. The techniques are mostly illustrated through stories of the author and you can put them into practice right away. A great addition would be to learn more about psychology and body language but this book is a great backbone to start negotiation.

Photo of Ahmed Salem
Ahmed Salem@salem309
5 stars
Sep 6, 2022

This is a book I want to get back to later with slower rate and absorb every single technique!! It is unbelievable how much those techniques , if will not help you in a tough situation, it can help you to understand what is going on there.

Photo of Yasser Yahia
Yasser Yahia@yasseryahia
4 stars
Sep 2, 2022

The book is awesome and very engaging with simple story-like way. I kinda agree on most of what Chris mentioned in the book as a way to navigate your way through negotiations, but I had some concerns also on some of the ways/concepts it is promoting. I'd still recommend the book for everyone though. An enjoyable easy read with a lot of valuable information.

Photo of Danté
Danté@dantenel
5 stars
Aug 31, 2022

The best, most practical book on negotiation you'll find. Better than Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In Main takeaways: - Never use word "Fair" in negotiations. It asserts your take on what is fair, but makes the other party feel you are calling them unreasonable. They could just as easily call their position "fair" and neither of you would have moved closer to agreement. - Use open ended questions rather than yes no, but don't ask Why? It will make the party feel they need to justify. - Be honest with the negatives early - say "it may seem like I'm a bully based on xyz". This is echoed Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High. - Realize what type of negotiator is on the other side. E.g. if Assertive, then use mirroring technique as it will allow them to feel in control. - Use the question "How can I do that"/"How am I supposed to do that?" as it will help the other party see your point of view and if they propose a solution they will have buy in. - Negotiation = Communication + Results.

Photo of brendan sudol
brendan sudol@bren
3 stars
Aug 12, 2022

At times, the author’s tone felt a bit too braggy for my taste, but overall this book has some great (and practical) negotiation techniques (e.g., saying “No” without using the word, emotion labeling, accusation audit) that I will employ going forward.

Photo of Ethan Ding
Ethan Ding@ethanding
4 stars
Aug 1, 2022

comes in a little less actionable and memorable than nonviolent communication

Photo of Ugis
Ugis@vilcans
5 stars
Jul 31, 2022

Great book. Entertaining examples of negotiators life and a ton of good lessons and tactics around negotiation and communication in general. I'll definitely open it again to get some notes out. I do agree with some reviewers that the title of the book is not the most successful. [reading time: 9h40m]

Highlights

Photo of Syrina
Syrina@syrinaina

Genius is often missed the first time around

Photo of Syrina
Syrina@syrinaina

When people are in a positive frame of mind, they think more quickly, and are more likely to collaborate and problem-solve (instead of fight and resist). It applies to the smile-er as much as to the smile-ee: a smile on your face, and in your voice, will increase your own mental agility.

Be A Mirror

Photo of Serah
Serah@serah

being right isn't the key to a successful negotiation-having the right mindset is.

Photo of Serah
Serah@serah

Most people approach a negotlation so preoccupied by the arguments that support their position that they are unable to listen attentively.

Photo of Serah
Serah@serah

We are easily distracted. We engage in selective listening, hearing only what we want to hear, our minds acting on a cognitive bias for consistency rather than truth.

Photo of Serah
Serah@serah

Negotiation is the heart of collaboration. It is what makes conflict potentially meaningful and productive for all parties.

Photo of Serah
Serah@serah

A successful hostage negotiator has to get everything he asks for, without giving anything back of substance, and do so in a way that leaves the adversaries feeling as if they have a great relationship. His work is emotional intelligence on steroids.

Photo of Serah
Serah@serah

In this world, you get what you ask for; you just have to ask correctly.

Photo of Serah
Serah@serah

Yes, perhaps we are the only animal that haggles — a monkey does not exchange a portion of his banana for another's nuts — but no matter how we dress up our negotiations in mathematical theories, we are always an animal, always acting and reacting first and foremost from our deeply held but mostly invisible and inchoate fears, needs, perceptions, and desires.

We are emotional, irrational creatures.

Photo of Piet Terheyden
Piet Terheyden@piet

No deal is better than a bad deal.

Photo of Piet Terheyden
Piet Terheyden@piet

The person across the table is never the problem. The unsolved issue is. So focus on the issue. This is one of the most basic tactics for avoiding emotional escalations.

Photo of Piet Terheyden
Piet Terheyden@piet

It’s about the other party convincing themselves that the solution you want is their own idea. So don’t beat them with logic or brute force. Ask them questions that open paths to your goals. It’s not about you.

Photo of Piet Terheyden
Piet Terheyden@piet

If you approach a negotiation thinking the other guy thinks like you, you are wrong. That's not empathy, that's a projection.

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