By page 74 it was still just a laundry list of each day's discovery of new items from the island, or items recovered from the wrecked ship. No plot, no adventure. This may have passed my standards for a good read (probably not), but the thing that made me press the delete button on the Kindle with particular fury was the way in which Father Robinson was so damn knowledgable about every aspect of "savage" lifestyles and survival tactics. I mean, what middle-class clergyman from the Alps knows the exact proper way to halve a tropical gourd? Is it likely that this late-18th century minister from a mountain climate knows that a particular tree from a tropical climate can be used for making sewing thread, and also exactly how to make a navigable boat out of 8 barrels and a bunch of wrecked plywood? It strained the very limits of my suspended disbelief to the snapping point, and snap they did. Delete from Kindle.

While I read an illustrated, abridged version of this book countless times over the course of my childhood, this was my first time reading the unabridged story. If Robinson Crusoe is the father of the survival story, The Swiss Family Robinson is its mother. It’s completely unrealistic, as the father knows way more about the environment as is plausible, and the family shipwrecked in a veritable Eden. The land produces bounties of food and other supplies at a truly prolific rate, and the family always knows exactly what to do with their discoveries. And they’re all crack shots. And super industrious. Also, the writing is both stilted and preachy, and conveys the axiom “God helps those who help themselves” to be something that is physically proven at every turn. However, it’s an engaging, engrossing story, and I can understand why it captivated the imaginations of generations of young readers.