Kiss Me Softly, Amy Turtle

The will-sapping tedium of life as a Walsall Reflector hack has given Dave 'Ichabod' McVane a serious thirst for the devil's juice. Now, after years of debauchery, booze has bitten back. Cathetered, bed-bound - and with what feels like a rhinoceros buffeting its way through his stomach - Dave wakes among 'regulars' in a hospital notorious for its high mortality rate. And if his darkest hour wasn't dark enough, a sinister figure from his student days at the Walsall Academy of New Knowledge reappears ... to leave Dave reeling with pain and paranoia as he faces a scalpel-happy surgeon. Join our hero as he embarks on a savage and hilarious ride from S&M to the NHS.